Being a new Mum is tough. You don't know what 'normal' is supposed to be so everything freaks you out. I think in my case, it's even more acute because my son is in an incubator and will be for a good couple of months more.
When he urged his way into this world, I was drugged up on morphine and goodness knows what else. I was so relieved that he made it, I was on cloud nine. I could only marvel at how good and strong he was.
Then I crashed. Angus had been powering through all of the steps, C-Pep, Low-flo, breathing on his own. 2ml food, 6ml food, 12ml, 20ml, 24ml... Then he began to throw up. I realised he was a little listless. I hadn't seen him cry in two days and when he slept through a needle it was the final straw for me. Most of the nurses were telling me he's fine, but then one German nurse, Uli, who had seen him when he first came in, noticed the change as well. Then the real stress began. Is a mother's life full of this worry? I'm not sure I can take it. If anything happened to my little man, I don't know how I would ever cope. I cried for two full days as they put him back on the IV and reduced his food intake back to 12mls. Then yesterday evening - my little Angie was back, smiling at me and trying to focus his eyes.
Happiness.
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